Knowing What to Do Is Not the Same as Knowing What Matters Now
u r a healer℠ Public Series · No. 03
You may already know quite a lot about supporting your well-being. You pay attention to what you eat, make time for movement, take sleep seriously, and understand the importance of relationships and managing stress.
Over the years, you may have developed practices that serve you well. You may also research health information carefully and consult qualified professionals when appropriate.
But as circumstances change, how do you determine which practices still deserve your attention, which may need adjusting, and whether anything needs to change at all?
Knowing what has supported your well-being is valuable. Deciding what fits your life now calls for a different kind of attention—not necessarily a new plan or more information.
This distinction is particularly relevant to my work as an Integrative Health Coach. People do not necessarily seek coaching because they lack information. Sometimes they want skilled, ongoing support examining their priorities and what actually happens when they put their intentions into practice.
What matters can change
Consider someone who has walked early every morning for years. The routine provides enjoyable exercise and a familiar beginning to the day.
Then their work schedule changes. They must leave home earlier, and maintaining the walk means getting less sleep. Neither activity has become less important. What has changed is the time available for both.
Or consider someone who begins caring for an aging parent. They still value preparing meals, exercising, and seeing friends. But their responsibilities now occupy time they previously controlled.
The challenge is not necessarily a lack of knowledge or motivation. Their circumstances have changed, and some of their existing arrangements may no longer be practical.
Changes in age, health, family responsibilities, work, living conditions, and the seasons can all affect how we spend our time and what we are able to sustain.
This is what I mean by now. It is not simply today’s date. It is the set of circumstances in which you are currently living and making decisions.
What worked last year may continue to serve you well. Something else may deserve greater attention. The difficulty can be knowing how to make that distinction.
Why knowledge may not be enough—and when it can be
Sometimes knowledge is enough.
You understand what you want to accomplish, have a reasonable way to do it, and can adjust when necessary. Your existing practices may be entirely appropriate. There is no need to turn every decision about your well-being or circumstances into a problem that requires outside help.
But consider what happens when intentions and actions repeatedly differ.
You may intend to make time for something important, yet postpone it week after week. You may explain the delay as temporary, even though the same circumstances keep returning.
You may tell yourself, “I should be able to manage this,” without examining whether the expectations you have established remain reasonable.
These are not shortcomings everyone shares. Postponing an activity may be an appropriate choice. A longstanding practice may still be useful.
What matters is whether you recognize what is happening and can make a conscious decision about it.
There is also a difference between having difficulty determining priorities and hesitating to seek support. Someone may know exactly what they want to change but feel uncomfortable discussing it. Another person may be comfortable asking for help but uncertain about what deserves attention.
Both situations can occur, but they require different conversations.
More information may help, particularly when someone has a specific question. Yet information alone does not always help us recognize our own habits, examine the way we speak to ourselves, or understand why a particular intention repeatedly loses its place among competing responsibilities.
This is where another person’s informed attention may be useful.
What ongoing professional coaching contributes
Inside my 1:1 coaching, we begin with what the client identifies as important, the circumstances in which they are living, and what they want to accomplish.
I bring professional training, structured methods, observation, and questions that help us examine the client’s intentions alongside their actual experiences.
The client brings knowledge of their own life, preferences, concerns, responsibilities, and choices.
Our conversations do not end with identifying a goal or creating a plan.
Between meetings, the client continues living their life. They act on some intentions, encounter difficulties, make decisions, and sometimes discover that their circumstances require a different approach.
When we meet again, we can examine what happened.
Consider someone who repeatedly expresses a desire to become more physically active but finds that their intended exercise time is consistently taken up by family responsibilities.
They may initially think they need more discipline.
Through coaching conversations, we might discover that the arrangement they have chosen depends on time they rarely control. Or perhaps they have competing priorities they have not fully considered.
We can examine those possibilities without assuming which explanation is correct or deciding for the client what should matter most.
An important part of coaching is the opportunity to notice patterns that can be difficult to recognize alone.
A client may repeatedly dismiss a concern, postpone a decision, or describe themselves in ways that affect how they approach their goals.
I may notice that a similar difficulty has appeared in several conversations, even when the circumstances seem different.
I can bring that observation back to the client and ask whether it means anything to them.
They may recognize something they had not considered. They may disagree. They may explain something important that I had not understood.
That exchange is part of the work. My interpretation does not replace the client’s experience or judgment.
The relationship also allows us to examine changes over time.
During a full year of coaching, responsibilities may shift, routines may be interrupted, and a client’s priorities may change. Some practices become easier to maintain, while others require reconsideration.
We can return to earlier conversations, examine what has changed, and consider whether the client’s current actions still support the goals they have chosen.
This is different from receiving a single recommendation or gathering additional information.
Books, articles, qualified professionals, online resources, and AI can all provide useful information or opportunities for reflection. People may use those resources effectively without coaching.
Ongoing professional coaching offers something additional: a relationship in which another trained person pays attention to your circumstances and experiences over time, asks questions you may not have considered, and helps you examine the difference between what you intend and what happens in practice.
The client remains responsible for their choices and actions. My responsibility is to provide a professional coaching process that supports their ability to examine, decide, act, and learn from their experience.
Not everyone needs that relationship. For someone who wants sustained support while circumstances change, however, its value may extend well beyond identifying an initial priority.
You may have read this far and concluded that your current practices serve you well. You know what matters to you and feel capable of making adjustments when your circumstances change.
If that is your conclusion, you may find it useful to revisit these questions periodically, especially as your circumstances change. Returning to them from time to time can be a form of self-reflection, without requiring a new plan or outside support.
You may instead recognize an intention that has repeatedly been postponed, a routine that no longer fits, or a question about your priorities that you have not given much attention.
Neither response means that something is wrong or that you have failed to care for yourself.
Knowing how to support your well-being matters. So does recognizing when your circumstances call for reconsidering your choices.
Sometimes you can do that independently. At other times, you may benefit from another person’s informed attention—not to tell you what matters, but to help you examine what matters to you and how you are responding to it.
The question is not simply what you know.
It is whether what you know, what you do, and what matters to you still fit together in your life today.
Considering whether coaching might be useful to you?
Learn more about u r a healer℠, a four-season Integrative Health Coaching experience centered on personalized 1:1 support.
Research references
- Wolever, R. Q., et al. (2013). A Systematic Review of the Literature on Health and Wellness Coaching: Defining a Key Behavioral Intervention in Healthcare.
- Ahmann, E., et al. (2024). Health and Wellness Coaching and Sustained Gains: A Rapid Systematic Review. American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine, 18(2), 162–180.
- NBHWC Scope of Practice
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